There has been a Disney/Pixar bracket floating around Twitter that is just ridiculous. Someone arbitrarily seeded Disney movies to face off with one another until reaching the ultimate conclusion of what Disney movie is best. That is a waste of time. Here they are ranked, based on movies I have seen:
1. Toy Story- Tell me you didn't mark out when you saw the graphics for this in 1995. Also soundtrack is solid Randy Newman. Tom Hanks in a starring role. Tugs at the heart strings too.
2. Lion King- If you were a 90's kid and didn't know the words to every song, talk about lame. Classic coming of age tale.
3. Inside Out- Lack of a soundtrack only reason this isn't #1. Brilliant set-up, all-star cast, and teaches kids to name emotions. A++++
4. Moana- My daughter wants to watch this everyday and listen to the soundtrack on repeat. I oblige and don't mind because it is a legitimately great story with great music. Also The Rock.
5. Up- If you don't cry during the opening montage you are a monster
6. Aladdin- Lit soundtrack, Robin Williams, and a legitimately solid Sega Genesis game
7. Toy Story 2- Would've put it number 2 but didn't want to seem weird
8. The Great Mouse Detective- Such an underrated film
9. The Rescuers Down Under- Used to watch this repeatedly but honestly don't remember anything about it other than something about mice flying around, presumably in Australia
10. Robin Hood- Tried to watch the other day on Netflix but got kind of bored. Good soundtrack though.
11. Jungle Book- Good cartoon, but live action version was better
12. Beauty and the Beast- Good cartoon, vile live action version
13. 101 Dalmations- Another good movie with a trash live action version
14. Pocahontas- Not really historically accurate but the song where the Indians and White men are calling each other savages for different reasons really makes you stop and think
15. Mulan- Never saw it but some good songs on the Disney Hits spotify playlist. Also made Mike Pence uncomfortable so +1 there
16. Snow White- Kind of overrated honestly
17. Pinnochio- Needs an updated Pixar version
18. Dumbo- Yawn
19. Bambi- Yawn
20. Frozen- Overrated
21. Lady and the Tramp- Don't remember the plot at all
22. Hercules- Garbage
100. Old B roll outtake footage of Steamboat Willie
101. Song of the South- Racist AF
1,230: Fantasia 2000- Pure trash.
1,450: Aladdin 2: The Return of Jafar- Straight to VHS (and hell)
Thursday, March 29, 2018
Friday, October 7, 2016
Can we have a parental discussion about Trump?
Hi, fellow parents. Can we have an honest and frank discussion about the upcoming presidential election? I have no desire to turn this blog political, but this matter is concerning not just for the next four years of my daughter's life, but potentially for the next few decades, based on the volatile rhetoric being spouted on a daily basis in regards to immigrants, refugees, women, people of color, etc.
This election boils down to a choice between two people. Gary Johnson and Jill Stein are also on the ballot but come on. So it's Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. No seriously, a major party nominated Donald Trump, a sentient bag of rotting meat. I'm about to lay out a case for not voting for him, but I do want to acknowledge that several people I respect are considering casting a vote for him. And let me just say that I get it. His economic message sounds very good to a middle class family struggling to pay for healthcare. His trade message sounds good to a blue collar worker who sees his job replaced by machines. His message of making America great again sounds good to an elderly person who faces a rapidly changing society. His law and order message sounds good to someone watching the nightly news and seeing so much crime, terrorism, and unrest. These are real people with real fears and they identify with Donald Trump. I believe that their fears are being exploited brilliantly by a scam artist. I believe they are wildly misled by a sniveling charlatan. But before I explain the long list of cases against him, I want to approach this from a point of understanding.
I also understand reasons to vote against Hillary Clinton. She has for years had issues with being completely truthful. She has a very cozy relationship with financial institutions that caused the 2008 collapse. It is concerning that she potentially exposed classified emails on a private server, even if she didn't do it purposefully ( I'm not sure why she would do it purposefully.) Some criticize her lack of strong convictions and shape-shifting rhetoric. She comes across as a politician, first and foremost. She seems to believe that the presidency is something she is owed. I understand how she can come across to the average voter.
But let's cut it with the false equivalency. As flawed a candidate as Hillary is, there is no way that her scandals and shadiness compare in any way with the long list of Trump's flaws. They are not even in the same arena. There is no way that you can compare her preparation and qualifications with Trump's, a failed business person who's only executive experience includes firing the likes of Gary Busey. As difficult a relationship with the truth that Clinton has, she is a saint compared to Trump's constantly shifting positions and shocking number of falsehoods. Politico estimated that in one week, he averaged a lie every 3 minutes and 15 seconds. People hold them on the same scale because people don't challenge their political biases, instead retreating to their preferred media for confirmation bias. Donald Trump's actual campaign strategy involves telling falsehoods so many times, that people will begin to believe they are true.
I'd like to approach this from actual reasons I've heard from people voting for Trump:
"Donald Trump will make us safe, and make America feared again"
Safe from whom? Immigrants? Trump's wall will never be built and his exaggerated stance on immigrant crime is just wrong. Illegal immigration can just as effectively be regulated by current ICE agents.
From criminals? You've never been safer. It's easy to look at the nightly news and feel like you're in constant danger, but most violent crimes involve people who know each other. Unless you're in the drug game, relax.
From terrorists? You're also safe there, statistically speaking. The current screening process effectively weeds out almost all bad apples. You will always have the risk of rogue agents committing acts of terror. Fact is, ISIS is much less organized than Al Queda ever was, and this administration destroyed Al Queda.
Other than irresponsible rhetoric, what has Donald Trump ever done that would lead you to believe he is capable of navigating the complexities of world affairs? He can't even resist fat-shaming Miss Universe, let alone coming up with an effective exit strategy from the middle east.
Add the bromance with brutal dictator Putin, his possible business interests with Russia, and the shady connections with his campaign and the Kremlin, including DNC hacking, and you can see Putin expertly playing off Trump's emotions. If you say something good about Trump, he loves you. The moment you criticize him, he stays up until 3 AM hate-tweeting you.
What makes Trump qualified to be commander in chief? He's said his sacrifice in life was building buildings and being successful? He has mocked POW's and those suffering from PTSD. He dodged the draft 5 times for bone spurs.
"Donald Trump will cut the deficit and create jobs"
Trump's trickle down tax plan cuts taxes for the top 1% and marginally cuts middle class taxes, but at what cost? If you're not bringing in any money and building up the military and building walls and supposedly making infastructure improvements, how do you pay for it? Brookings estimated Trump's tax plan would add $10 trillion to the deficit.
Trump's plan would continue to create the jobs nobody wants. He has already said the current slave wages are too high for minimum salary employees. He has a history of paying shit wages to his employees, or not paying his contractors at all. The problem with businessman politicians is that they only see what would help a business bottom line, not what is in the best interest for consumers and employees.
"Donald Trump was a successful businessman, and we need that in the White House"
Trump, a man who once lost $1 billion dollars in a year on his failed casino venture, wants you to believe he is successful. Remember Trump steaks? Trump airline? Trump University, which is under Federal investigation for being a scam?
Trump started out with a "small" $14 million dollar loan. He also lost $35 million of daddy's money in the 70's. He brags about his business acumen, but constantly relies on debt and other people's money to avoid paying taxes and making a profit. Since he won't release his tax returns, we don't really know how much he is actually worth or how much he pays in taxes or how much money he has lost since then. He's a scam artist, at best. The Apprentice was carefully constructed to make Trump look like a successful executive, which is why most Americans believe this lie.
Trump has a history of not paying contractors, has been sued 3500 times, violated the Cuban Embargo, and has an untold number of business ventures worldwide which would constitute a conflict of interest if he were president.
"Donald Trump will make America great again"
Will he? In what way? When was America great, and why is not anymore? Trump, a spray-tanned man-toddler, claims he knows how to make a country of 300 million people great, but offers no concrete steps or what qualifiers would make us great again. This is empty campaign rhetoric.
"Donald Trump will bring back manufacturing jobs"
No, he won't. They are gone. While there have been many companies that have moved operations overseas, many are investing in automation. An estimated 65% of the jobs of the future don't exist yet. It doesn't make sense to have Americans building things when machines can do it more efficiently. The real hands-on jobs could be infastructure improvement, high speed rail construction, green energy jobs---things that are a real investment in the country but are not currently possible because of your do-nothing Republican congress.
It's really easy to just say you will bring back jobs. Trump claims he will do this by lowering taxes, but any business that cares enough about its bottom line to ship jobs overseas will immediately replace people with machines. Politicians have been saying this for years because this is a huge voting bloc. But coal mines, steel plants, and manufacturing jobs are dying because they are not sustainable. It's time to stop lying to these voters and invest in green jobs so that rural areas can have an economy again. Trump, a Republican who doesn't believe in climate change , despite the agreement of 97% of the world's climate scientists, will not be the change agent blue collar workers need.
"Donald Trump may be unpredictable, but he will surround himself with competent people"
Trump, the human embodiment of mouth diarrhea, has phalanxed himself with the likes of Chris Christie, Mike Pence, Rudy Guiliani, and Ben Carson. Not exactly the Algonquin Roundtable. Few of those people have any experience in Washington. While it's easy to say that "they aren't Washington insiders" don't you need some competence in government to make connections in Congress and run the Executive Branch and it's many Cabinet positions?
Fact is, almost all of the Republican establishment has distanced itself from Trump. The Bush and Reagan family have said publicly that they refuse to support Trump because of the clear and present danger he presents to the republic.
"Hillary can't be elected because Christian values won't be represented"
You have a choice between Hillary Clinton, a lifelong member of the United Methodist Church, who has written extensively about her faith, or Donald Trump, a man who proudly claims he has never asked for forgiveness, who is so biblically illiterate he believes 2nd Corinthians is "Two Corinthians." There is nothing in Donald Trump's past that would ever suggest he has a basic desire to help others or look out for anyone other than himself. Trump's business model of profit over people is the antithesis of the Gospel.
Also this
"Even if Donald Trump is crazy, we will have checks and balances"
The president picks the Cabinet members, and sets the policy for each of those departments. He also has the power of the Executive Order, control of the Armed Forces, and possibly a Republican-controlled Congress that will offer little or no resistance.
"He might not be polished, but Donald Trump speaks the truth and tells it like it is."
He tells it like it is, if "it" is a lie. Trump, a living scarecrow stuffed with dirty diapers, has shifted policy stances from day to day, sometimes hour to hour. And as we have already discussed, he has an amazingly turbulent relationship with the truth.
"BENGHAZI"
There have been 7 Benghazi probes into Clinton's role. Each one has found no wrongdoing. Even the latest probe by the House Republican Committee found no evidence of wrongdoing . Millions of taxpayer dollars have been spent on this witch hunt, and it's been a complete waste of time.
"Both candidates are liars, but the Supreme Court!"
President Obama nominated Merrick Garland, a Republican, almost a year ago. and Congress has refused to hold a vote to confirm him. Hillary Clinton has offered no indications she wouldn't nominate Garland or another moderate justice in return. Why would you trust Trump to nominate a right-wing judge when he's shown his word means absolutely nothing?
"Hillary's health"
Clinton has seemingly recovered from a bout of pneumonia, while Donald Trump, a 70 year old lump of Dorito-dusted bread dough, is obese, doesn't exercise, and brags about loving to eat fast food. All indications are that he gets 3 or fewer hours of sleep per night.
Also, Donald Trump suffers from at the very least, a narcissistic personality disorder. I'm not a psychologist, but there may be something else going on there.
I didn't even mention:
-Mocking a disabled reporter
-Misunderstanding of nuclear weapons
-Mocked a Gold Star Family
-Bragged about being given a Purple Heart without earning it
-Has casually talked about supporters killing his opponent
-"Blood coming out of her whatever"
-Insisted a Latino judge couldn't be impartial to him
-Apparently believes all African Americans live in inner cities
-Congratulated himself for predicting Brexit, the Orlando shooting, the murder of Dwayne Wade's cousin
-Wants poll watchers for the election to intimidate voters
-Has already started sewing the seeds of doubt in the legitmacy of polls and the election.
I am very hopeful that this man will be soundly defeated. I worry still that his movement of bigotry, racism, and sexism has been awakened and will not accept the results. My plea to his reasonable supporters or those on the fence is this: put your country before party. I tend to identify as a Democrat. If my party had nominated someone with similar star power, experience, and hubris--say, Kanye West, I wouldn't think twice about voting for a middle of the road republican. Kanye West or John Kasich? No question. Kanye West would destroy the country. Donald Trump is his equal in every way.
This election boils down to a choice between two people. Gary Johnson and Jill Stein are also on the ballot but come on. So it's Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. No seriously, a major party nominated Donald Trump, a sentient bag of rotting meat. I'm about to lay out a case for not voting for him, but I do want to acknowledge that several people I respect are considering casting a vote for him. And let me just say that I get it. His economic message sounds very good to a middle class family struggling to pay for healthcare. His trade message sounds good to a blue collar worker who sees his job replaced by machines. His message of making America great again sounds good to an elderly person who faces a rapidly changing society. His law and order message sounds good to someone watching the nightly news and seeing so much crime, terrorism, and unrest. These are real people with real fears and they identify with Donald Trump. I believe that their fears are being exploited brilliantly by a scam artist. I believe they are wildly misled by a sniveling charlatan. But before I explain the long list of cases against him, I want to approach this from a point of understanding.
I also understand reasons to vote against Hillary Clinton. She has for years had issues with being completely truthful. She has a very cozy relationship with financial institutions that caused the 2008 collapse. It is concerning that she potentially exposed classified emails on a private server, even if she didn't do it purposefully ( I'm not sure why she would do it purposefully.) Some criticize her lack of strong convictions and shape-shifting rhetoric. She comes across as a politician, first and foremost. She seems to believe that the presidency is something she is owed. I understand how she can come across to the average voter.
But let's cut it with the false equivalency. As flawed a candidate as Hillary is, there is no way that her scandals and shadiness compare in any way with the long list of Trump's flaws. They are not even in the same arena. There is no way that you can compare her preparation and qualifications with Trump's, a failed business person who's only executive experience includes firing the likes of Gary Busey. As difficult a relationship with the truth that Clinton has, she is a saint compared to Trump's constantly shifting positions and shocking number of falsehoods. Politico estimated that in one week, he averaged a lie every 3 minutes and 15 seconds. People hold them on the same scale because people don't challenge their political biases, instead retreating to their preferred media for confirmation bias. Donald Trump's actual campaign strategy involves telling falsehoods so many times, that people will begin to believe they are true.
I'd like to approach this from actual reasons I've heard from people voting for Trump:
"Donald Trump will make us safe, and make America feared again"
Safe from whom? Immigrants? Trump's wall will never be built and his exaggerated stance on immigrant crime is just wrong. Illegal immigration can just as effectively be regulated by current ICE agents.
From criminals? You've never been safer. It's easy to look at the nightly news and feel like you're in constant danger, but most violent crimes involve people who know each other. Unless you're in the drug game, relax.
From terrorists? You're also safe there, statistically speaking. The current screening process effectively weeds out almost all bad apples. You will always have the risk of rogue agents committing acts of terror. Fact is, ISIS is much less organized than Al Queda ever was, and this administration destroyed Al Queda.
Other than irresponsible rhetoric, what has Donald Trump ever done that would lead you to believe he is capable of navigating the complexities of world affairs? He can't even resist fat-shaming Miss Universe, let alone coming up with an effective exit strategy from the middle east.
Add the bromance with brutal dictator Putin, his possible business interests with Russia, and the shady connections with his campaign and the Kremlin, including DNC hacking, and you can see Putin expertly playing off Trump's emotions. If you say something good about Trump, he loves you. The moment you criticize him, he stays up until 3 AM hate-tweeting you.
What makes Trump qualified to be commander in chief? He's said his sacrifice in life was building buildings and being successful? He has mocked POW's and those suffering from PTSD. He dodged the draft 5 times for bone spurs.
"Donald Trump will cut the deficit and create jobs"
Trump's trickle down tax plan cuts taxes for the top 1% and marginally cuts middle class taxes, but at what cost? If you're not bringing in any money and building up the military and building walls and supposedly making infastructure improvements, how do you pay for it? Brookings estimated Trump's tax plan would add $10 trillion to the deficit.
Trump's plan would continue to create the jobs nobody wants. He has already said the current slave wages are too high for minimum salary employees. He has a history of paying shit wages to his employees, or not paying his contractors at all. The problem with businessman politicians is that they only see what would help a business bottom line, not what is in the best interest for consumers and employees.
"Donald Trump was a successful businessman, and we need that in the White House"
Trump, a man who once lost $1 billion dollars in a year on his failed casino venture, wants you to believe he is successful. Remember Trump steaks? Trump airline? Trump University, which is under Federal investigation for being a scam?
Trump started out with a "small" $14 million dollar loan. He also lost $35 million of daddy's money in the 70's. He brags about his business acumen, but constantly relies on debt and other people's money to avoid paying taxes and making a profit. Since he won't release his tax returns, we don't really know how much he is actually worth or how much he pays in taxes or how much money he has lost since then. He's a scam artist, at best. The Apprentice was carefully constructed to make Trump look like a successful executive, which is why most Americans believe this lie.
Trump has a history of not paying contractors, has been sued 3500 times, violated the Cuban Embargo, and has an untold number of business ventures worldwide which would constitute a conflict of interest if he were president.
"Donald Trump will make America great again"
Will he? In what way? When was America great, and why is not anymore? Trump, a spray-tanned man-toddler, claims he knows how to make a country of 300 million people great, but offers no concrete steps or what qualifiers would make us great again. This is empty campaign rhetoric.
"Donald Trump will bring back manufacturing jobs"
No, he won't. They are gone. While there have been many companies that have moved operations overseas, many are investing in automation. An estimated 65% of the jobs of the future don't exist yet. It doesn't make sense to have Americans building things when machines can do it more efficiently. The real hands-on jobs could be infastructure improvement, high speed rail construction, green energy jobs---things that are a real investment in the country but are not currently possible because of your do-nothing Republican congress.
It's really easy to just say you will bring back jobs. Trump claims he will do this by lowering taxes, but any business that cares enough about its bottom line to ship jobs overseas will immediately replace people with machines. Politicians have been saying this for years because this is a huge voting bloc. But coal mines, steel plants, and manufacturing jobs are dying because they are not sustainable. It's time to stop lying to these voters and invest in green jobs so that rural areas can have an economy again. Trump, a Republican who doesn't believe in climate change , despite the agreement of 97% of the world's climate scientists, will not be the change agent blue collar workers need.
"Donald Trump may be unpredictable, but he will surround himself with competent people"
Trump, the human embodiment of mouth diarrhea, has phalanxed himself with the likes of Chris Christie, Mike Pence, Rudy Guiliani, and Ben Carson. Not exactly the Algonquin Roundtable. Few of those people have any experience in Washington. While it's easy to say that "they aren't Washington insiders" don't you need some competence in government to make connections in Congress and run the Executive Branch and it's many Cabinet positions?
Fact is, almost all of the Republican establishment has distanced itself from Trump. The Bush and Reagan family have said publicly that they refuse to support Trump because of the clear and present danger he presents to the republic.
"Hillary can't be elected because Christian values won't be represented"
You have a choice between Hillary Clinton, a lifelong member of the United Methodist Church, who has written extensively about her faith, or Donald Trump, a man who proudly claims he has never asked for forgiveness, who is so biblically illiterate he believes 2nd Corinthians is "Two Corinthians." There is nothing in Donald Trump's past that would ever suggest he has a basic desire to help others or look out for anyone other than himself. Trump's business model of profit over people is the antithesis of the Gospel.
Also this
"Even if Donald Trump is crazy, we will have checks and balances"
The president picks the Cabinet members, and sets the policy for each of those departments. He also has the power of the Executive Order, control of the Armed Forces, and possibly a Republican-controlled Congress that will offer little or no resistance.
"He might not be polished, but Donald Trump speaks the truth and tells it like it is."
He tells it like it is, if "it" is a lie. Trump, a living scarecrow stuffed with dirty diapers, has shifted policy stances from day to day, sometimes hour to hour. And as we have already discussed, he has an amazingly turbulent relationship with the truth.
"BENGHAZI"
There have been 7 Benghazi probes into Clinton's role. Each one has found no wrongdoing. Even the latest probe by the House Republican Committee found no evidence of wrongdoing . Millions of taxpayer dollars have been spent on this witch hunt, and it's been a complete waste of time.
"Both candidates are liars, but the Supreme Court!"
President Obama nominated Merrick Garland, a Republican, almost a year ago. and Congress has refused to hold a vote to confirm him. Hillary Clinton has offered no indications she wouldn't nominate Garland or another moderate justice in return. Why would you trust Trump to nominate a right-wing judge when he's shown his word means absolutely nothing?
"Hillary's health"
Clinton has seemingly recovered from a bout of pneumonia, while Donald Trump, a 70 year old lump of Dorito-dusted bread dough, is obese, doesn't exercise, and brags about loving to eat fast food. All indications are that he gets 3 or fewer hours of sleep per night.
Also, Donald Trump suffers from at the very least, a narcissistic personality disorder. I'm not a psychologist, but there may be something else going on there.
I didn't even mention:
-Mocking a disabled reporter
-Misunderstanding of nuclear weapons
-Mocked a Gold Star Family
-Bragged about being given a Purple Heart without earning it
-Has casually talked about supporters killing his opponent
-"Blood coming out of her whatever"
-Insisted a Latino judge couldn't be impartial to him
-Apparently believes all African Americans live in inner cities
-Congratulated himself for predicting Brexit, the Orlando shooting, the murder of Dwayne Wade's cousin
-Wants poll watchers for the election to intimidate voters
-Has already started sewing the seeds of doubt in the legitmacy of polls and the election.
I am very hopeful that this man will be soundly defeated. I worry still that his movement of bigotry, racism, and sexism has been awakened and will not accept the results. My plea to his reasonable supporters or those on the fence is this: put your country before party. I tend to identify as a Democrat. If my party had nominated someone with similar star power, experience, and hubris--say, Kanye West, I wouldn't think twice about voting for a middle of the road republican. Kanye West or John Kasich? No question. Kanye West would destroy the country. Donald Trump is his equal in every way.
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
Fatherhood, part 1
If there's one thing that I probably should've blogged about on this "dad blog" it would have been the labor and delivery. Alas, even that, the single most intense/greatest day of my life, has been brushed aside. I was too overwhelmed in the moment to take pictures, and the whole thing leading up to the delivery is now clouded due to sleeplessness/exhaustion. So perhaps I should type some thoughts, based on what I remember, on the labor/delivery and some expectations vs. reality since.
I will spare you specific details, but I'm not sure I can reiterate how exhausting and difficult Chelsea's labor was. I don't say that to scare any current soon-to-be dads and moms or try to one up anyone else's labor, but it was intense. First contractions started on Monday afternoon, they got slightly more intense during the night, which meant very little sleep for either of us. It seemed like they were getting closer by TUESDAY NIGHT, but we weren't sure, so we went to the hospital. Nope. Sent us home. We called the doula the next morning and she promised to get Lydia out that night. For those keeping track, yes, the baby still had not come as of Wednesday morning. Turns out, Lydia was turned the wrong direction and Chelsea was experiencing painful back labor that could only be quelled by someone applying counterpressure to her tailbone. (Someone=me.) We even went to the chiro on Wednesday afternoon for some back relief. Finally by Wednesday evening, some progress.
I will skip the next 8 hours, not because they were uneventful, but because I'd basically be repeating myself about the back labor, counterpressure, back labor, counterpressure.
At around 11 pm Wednesday, Chelsea couldn't take it anymore and we (she) got the epidural. I would've gotten the epidural at least 24 hours earlier. Anyway, the epidural sped things along and Lydia was born about 30 minutes later.
Many people have told me that fathers don't grasp the reality of fatherhood until they are fathers. I don't know if that's true for everyone, but I can certainly relate. It was my job to reveal Lydia's sex to the room. I was so moved by the experience and flooded with fatherhood emotion that it didn't even occur to me that Lydia was a girl or a boy, or that I should perhaps find that out. She was just a baby that I was now responsible for, and that if I fail at that responsibility, she will grow up poorly adjusted and I could possibly go to prison. While that inner dialogue turned into a panic attack, someone, I don't know who, reminded me of my duty.
After the NICU team attended to Lydia (She had inhaled meconium) and Chelsea was being attended to, I retreated to the bathroom to collect myself and do some breathing exercises. I came back into the room just as Lydia was being given to her mom. When I returned, I felt less fear and more empowerment to help my daughter be strong, independent, kind, thoughtful and all those other things parents want for their children. I was filled with hope about who she would become. I now possessed the dad rage needed to to intimidate anyone who ever hurts her, tells her to smile, demeans her ambitions, or knocks her appearance.
Tips for dads re: labor and delivery:
-Get a damn doula. It is so helpful to have someone there if you have a question, or need another comfort source in the room. They know how to comfort your partner using knowledge about child birth, which you know absolutely nothing about.
-Admit that you know absolutely nothing about child birth. Embrace it, and get a doula.
-Get a delivery room with a hot tub if possible.
-Go to a class. You know nothing.
-Learn some relaxation techniques for yourself. It is bound to be a stressful few hours
I will spare you specific details, but I'm not sure I can reiterate how exhausting and difficult Chelsea's labor was. I don't say that to scare any current soon-to-be dads and moms or try to one up anyone else's labor, but it was intense. First contractions started on Monday afternoon, they got slightly more intense during the night, which meant very little sleep for either of us. It seemed like they were getting closer by TUESDAY NIGHT, but we weren't sure, so we went to the hospital. Nope. Sent us home. We called the doula the next morning and she promised to get Lydia out that night. For those keeping track, yes, the baby still had not come as of Wednesday morning. Turns out, Lydia was turned the wrong direction and Chelsea was experiencing painful back labor that could only be quelled by someone applying counterpressure to her tailbone. (Someone=me.) We even went to the chiro on Wednesday afternoon for some back relief. Finally by Wednesday evening, some progress.
I will skip the next 8 hours, not because they were uneventful, but because I'd basically be repeating myself about the back labor, counterpressure, back labor, counterpressure.
At around 11 pm Wednesday, Chelsea couldn't take it anymore and we (she) got the epidural. I would've gotten the epidural at least 24 hours earlier. Anyway, the epidural sped things along and Lydia was born about 30 minutes later.
Many people have told me that fathers don't grasp the reality of fatherhood until they are fathers. I don't know if that's true for everyone, but I can certainly relate. It was my job to reveal Lydia's sex to the room. I was so moved by the experience and flooded with fatherhood emotion that it didn't even occur to me that Lydia was a girl or a boy, or that I should perhaps find that out. She was just a baby that I was now responsible for, and that if I fail at that responsibility, she will grow up poorly adjusted and I could possibly go to prison. While that inner dialogue turned into a panic attack, someone, I don't know who, reminded me of my duty.
After the NICU team attended to Lydia (She had inhaled meconium) and Chelsea was being attended to, I retreated to the bathroom to collect myself and do some breathing exercises. I came back into the room just as Lydia was being given to her mom. When I returned, I felt less fear and more empowerment to help my daughter be strong, independent, kind, thoughtful and all those other things parents want for their children. I was filled with hope about who she would become. I now possessed the dad rage needed to to intimidate anyone who ever hurts her, tells her to smile, demeans her ambitions, or knocks her appearance.
Tips for dads re: labor and delivery:
-Get a damn doula. It is so helpful to have someone there if you have a question, or need another comfort source in the room. They know how to comfort your partner using knowledge about child birth, which you know absolutely nothing about.
-Admit that you know absolutely nothing about child birth. Embrace it, and get a doula.
-Get a delivery room with a hot tub if possible.
-Go to a class. You know nothing.
-Learn some relaxation techniques for yourself. It is bound to be a stressful few hours
#Dadsweekoff
Remember how I started a dad blog and was naive enough to think I had enough time to physically sit down, open my computer, and type things? LOL. That did not go according to plan, but here we are 5 months later and things are beginning to normalize.
I am off for the next two weeks for IPS Fall Break, one glorious benefit of a balanced schedule. But I am sending the baby to daycare for this week so she doesn't get out of the habit/I already paid for it. That means I have 6 hours a day to myself this week to do whatever the hell I please. I confess I am at a loss for how to spend this time. Maybe I'll sit down and read something. Maybe I'll take a bike ride. Maybe I'll take a guilt-free trip to Skyline Chili.
One thing I will make time for is an actual dad blog to talk about dad things. Stay tuned.
I am off for the next two weeks for IPS Fall Break, one glorious benefit of a balanced schedule. But I am sending the baby to daycare for this week so she doesn't get out of the habit/I already paid for it. That means I have 6 hours a day to myself this week to do whatever the hell I please. I confess I am at a loss for how to spend this time. Maybe I'll sit down and read something. Maybe I'll take a bike ride. Maybe I'll take a guilt-free trip to Skyline Chili.
One thing I will make time for is an actual dad blog to talk about dad things. Stay tuned.
Saturday, April 23, 2016
Waiting
While we've been waiting, we've done every chore imaginable to get the house ready. We're saving some Netflix shows for the hospital and for the days and weeks to come. To relieve some stress, I've taken up coloring. My friends Amy and David got me a President Coloring Book for Christmas and I've just now gotten around to using it. At first, I started coloring the presidents in a way that lends respect to the office, but then I started to notice that the illustrations allowed for some fun artistic interpretation. So I will share one that I finished tonight:
This is William Henry Harrison. He was president for something like 31 days. Why, you ask? Well, Ol' Tippecanoe was a bit long-winded. He gave his inaugural address on a very cold day, without a coat no less. Instead of wrapping it up and heading to the ball, Harrison droned on and on for about two hours, caught pneumonia and died a few weeks later. What a dumbass, right? Every time I told that story to students, they'd ask, "Why didn't he just wear a heavy coat?" I''ve always wondered the same thing myself. Well, wonder no longer.
As the picture below suggests, Harrison loved his slip-on coat/cape. He felt like a new person in that coat. When he wore that coat, he approached life with a new confidence. The only problem--the pink candy stripe lining made him a bit self-conscious. We might laugh today, but this was 1841, guys. John Tyler said there's no way in hell he's going to be on the ticket with someone who dresses like that. The rest is history.
Monday, March 14, 2016
Make Fatherhood Great Again
I've heard lots of people tell me I have "no idea" what I'm doing when it comes to fatherhood. Look, not true, ok? Ok? Nobody knows more about fatherhood than I do. Nobody. Who knows more than me? I have a father. A great father, by the way. Taught me a lot. I even have a step father. Not a lot of people have those, ok? So I know what I'm doing.
I've read books. Large books about parenting. Small books. Every kind of book you can think of. I've even read books you haven't thought of. I've listened to a tremendous number of podcasts. Very, very good podcasts. That I can tell you.
I've taken expensive classes about how to parent. Probably more expensive than what other dads have done. I've learned a tremendous amount during those very interesting classes. Those classes were about every topic I need to know, believe me.
I've personally hired a doula, ok? So I've created a job and a child in the span of nine months. I'm told that this is a great accomplishment. I don't say this in a braggadocious way. Just stating a fact.
I'll be a very great father. I have lots and lots of ideas. There are some very good fathers out there but a lot of weak fathers, too. Fathers don't win anymore, have you noticed this? Kids get whatever they want. Dads don't know how to make deals anymore. They get totally hosed by their kids. That won't happen with me, that I can tell you. We're going to have a fence in the backyard, and the kid is going to build it. Work ethic. Boundaries.
Seriously who will be a better father than me?
Danny Tanner? Can't tolerate germs. Had to bring in a comedian and a musician to raise his kids. Sad!
Ward Cleaver? Weak on discipline. His kid is always getting in trouble. Also named his youngest after a small woodland creature. Might be child abuse--My people are looking into it.
Atticus Finch? Loser attorney whose kids don't even call him Dad! Wouldn't happen with me, I promise you that. Very low energy dad.
So I will be great. Fatherhood needs to be great again, and that's what I will do. I'll let you know how it goes.
I've read books. Large books about parenting. Small books. Every kind of book you can think of. I've even read books you haven't thought of. I've listened to a tremendous number of podcasts. Very, very good podcasts. That I can tell you.
I've taken expensive classes about how to parent. Probably more expensive than what other dads have done. I've learned a tremendous amount during those very interesting classes. Those classes were about every topic I need to know, believe me.
I've personally hired a doula, ok? So I've created a job and a child in the span of nine months. I'm told that this is a great accomplishment. I don't say this in a braggadocious way. Just stating a fact.
I'll be a very great father. I have lots and lots of ideas. There are some very good fathers out there but a lot of weak fathers, too. Fathers don't win anymore, have you noticed this? Kids get whatever they want. Dads don't know how to make deals anymore. They get totally hosed by their kids. That won't happen with me, that I can tell you. We're going to have a fence in the backyard, and the kid is going to build it. Work ethic. Boundaries.
Seriously who will be a better father than me?
Danny Tanner? Can't tolerate germs. Had to bring in a comedian and a musician to raise his kids. Sad!
Ward Cleaver? Weak on discipline. His kid is always getting in trouble. Also named his youngest after a small woodland creature. Might be child abuse--My people are looking into it.
Atticus Finch? Loser attorney whose kids don't even call him Dad! Wouldn't happen with me, I promise you that. Very low energy dad.
So I will be great. Fatherhood needs to be great again, and that's what I will do. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sunday, March 13, 2016
Panic Attack #1: This is happening
Current Emotions: Pumped, panicked
As we roll into month number 9, things are starting to get real. I'm not going to pretend that I haven't woken up in a cold sweat about the responsibility we're undertaking. "What makes me think I'm worthy of being responsible for feeding, clothing, and raising a small human being?" " What were we thinking?" "What if I'm terrible at parenting and am prosecuted and thrown in prison?" "What if the kid turns into an asshole?" Please tell me these are normal thoughts.
We've had two awesome baby showers over the past month, and now things are really really real. We have some semblance of a nursery coming together. We baby clothes scattered throughout the house. There is an empty pack n' play next to our bed. It's very strange to consider that soon a human baby will occupy the space.
I'm trying to go into this not being naive as to how much my life is going to change. I'm trying to savor my last child-free month, but also trying to break old habits that will make life with a newborn next to impossible. For example, Chelsea tells me I can no longer leave nails and loose Excedrin laying around the house. I can no longer roll out of bed 10 minutes before I have to leave. Right now I can (and do) basically sleep as late as I want, sit out on the patio and drink a beer, binge on Netflix, sit down when I eat, take a 40 minute shower, travel, read, watch sports, go to sporting events, go out with friends, etc. Make no mistake, I'm excited as hell to be a parent and can't wait to experience life with the baby. But I'd be lying if I said I'm going to miss being able to do all those things when I want.
So with a small Benham arriving within the next month (or less) (or more), here is what I'm trying to accomplish:
-Finish nursery. If they say "nesting" only affects women, then what explains my very real desire to have every detail of the nursery done with time to spare? We still need to put together a changing table, hang things on wall, get bookshelf, clean, etc. (ohmyGodohmyGodohmyGod)
-Get caught up on every television show I haven't finished: Better Call Saul, Love, House of Cards, The People vs OJ Simpson, Baskets, Fargo, Togetherness, Vinyl, Louie, The Walking Dead, Silicon Valley
-Develop parenting philosophy
-Figure out how to deal with a newborn
-Read every Mister Rogers parenting book
-Watch sports guilt-free. Lots of basketball coming up in the next few weeks, lots of baseball too.
-De-clutter basement- This is an unexplainable nesting thing.
Any other tips from the parenting force?
As we roll into month number 9, things are starting to get real. I'm not going to pretend that I haven't woken up in a cold sweat about the responsibility we're undertaking. "What makes me think I'm worthy of being responsible for feeding, clothing, and raising a small human being?" " What were we thinking?" "What if I'm terrible at parenting and am prosecuted and thrown in prison?" "What if the kid turns into an asshole?" Please tell me these are normal thoughts.
We've had two awesome baby showers over the past month, and now things are really really real. We have some semblance of a nursery coming together. We baby clothes scattered throughout the house. There is an empty pack n' play next to our bed. It's very strange to consider that soon a human baby will occupy the space.
I'm trying to go into this not being naive as to how much my life is going to change. I'm trying to savor my last child-free month, but also trying to break old habits that will make life with a newborn next to impossible. For example, Chelsea tells me I can no longer leave nails and loose Excedrin laying around the house. I can no longer roll out of bed 10 minutes before I have to leave. Right now I can (and do) basically sleep as late as I want, sit out on the patio and drink a beer, binge on Netflix, sit down when I eat, take a 40 minute shower, travel, read, watch sports, go to sporting events, go out with friends, etc. Make no mistake, I'm excited as hell to be a parent and can't wait to experience life with the baby. But I'd be lying if I said I'm going to miss being able to do all those things when I want.
So with a small Benham arriving within the next month (or less) (or more), here is what I'm trying to accomplish:
-Finish nursery. If they say "nesting" only affects women, then what explains my very real desire to have every detail of the nursery done with time to spare? We still need to put together a changing table, hang things on wall, get bookshelf, clean, etc. (ohmyGodohmyGodohmyGod)
-Get caught up on every television show I haven't finished: Better Call Saul, Love, House of Cards, The People vs OJ Simpson, Baskets, Fargo, Togetherness, Vinyl, Louie, The Walking Dead, Silicon Valley
-Develop parenting philosophy
-Figure out how to deal with a newborn
-Read every Mister Rogers parenting book
-Watch sports guilt-free. Lots of basketball coming up in the next few weeks, lots of baseball too.
-De-clutter basement- This is an unexplainable nesting thing.
Any other tips from the parenting force?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)