Make Fatherhood Great Again

I've heard lots of people tell me I have "no idea" what I'm doing when it comes to fatherhood. Look, not true, ok? Ok? Nobody knows more about fatherhood than I do. Nobody. Who knows more than me? I have a father. A great father, by the way. Taught me a lot. I even have a step father. Not a lot of people have those, ok? So I know what I'm doing.

I've read books. Large books about parenting. Small books. Every kind of book you can think of. I've even read books you haven't thought of.  I've listened to a tremendous number of podcasts. Very, very good podcasts. That I can tell you.

I've taken expensive classes about how to parent. Probably more expensive than what other dads have done. I've learned a tremendous amount during those very interesting classes. Those classes were about every topic I need to know, believe me.

I've personally hired a doula, ok? So I've created a job and a child in the span of nine months. I'm told that this is a great accomplishment. I don't say this in a braggadocious way. Just stating a fact.

I'll be a very great father. I have lots and lots of ideas. There are some very good fathers out there but a lot of weak fathers, too. Fathers don't win anymore, have you noticed this? Kids get whatever they want. Dads don't know how to make deals anymore.  They get totally hosed by their kids. That won't happen with me, that I can tell you. We're going to have a fence in the backyard, and the kid is going to build it. Work ethic. Boundaries.

Seriously who will be a better father than me?
Danny Tanner? Can't tolerate germs.  Had to bring in a comedian and a musician to raise his kids. Sad!

Ward Cleaver? Weak on discipline.  His kid is always getting in trouble. Also named his youngest after a small woodland creature. Might be child abuse--My people are looking into it.

Atticus Finch? Loser attorney whose kids don't even call him Dad! Wouldn't happen with me, I promise you that. Very low energy dad.

So I will be great. Fatherhood needs to be great again, and that's what I will do. I'll let you know how it goes.